Letting Go of Resentment with Radical Acceptance

Having a baby to care for can be the ultimate test of your patience – especially when you’re running on very little sleep, you haven’t had a full meal, you’re struggling with feeding or have not talked to another adult in a while. You are giving your everything to this little baby, and sometimes it can feel like a big sacrifice.  

Cue the Resentment

Looking for someone to blame for the situation you’re in? Many new parents struggling with depression, anxiety, or recovering from trauma feel resentment towards their partner, the people who promised to help but mysteriously disappear when the baby cries, the people who told them parenting was fun, or made it look easy. Some parents even feel resentment towards their baby.

Resentment leads to a short fuse, frustration, feeling stuck or trapped, tension, strain in relationships, and negative self-view. Overall, this does not add up to an enjoyable parenting experience.

 

Radical Acceptance

There is another way to view the situation. Radical acceptance is the act of accepting your present situation without judgment or criticism. Parenting is hard. Period. Getting to a place where you can accept the difficulty without blaming, judging or criticizing will make the challenge of caring for a little one more manageable.

This does not mean we are allowing others to make poor choices that negatively impact the family. But it does mean we are accepting the parts of parenting that are inherently difficult without trying to change it, get angry about it, or blame others. 

How does it work?

Blaming and criticizing get us stuck in a loop of expending unnecessary energy towards a situation that is unlikely to change. Babies are going to be babies, resenting the people and forces that got you here do not persuade babies to stop being babies. If you can get to a place where you are able to accept the situation for what it is, you may find peace and begin to stay more present.

An Example:

Here are some thought exercises to identify your perspective. Read each scenario and notice what thoughts and feelings comes up for you. Do not judge yourself. We’re gathering information here.

·        It is 3 AM and baby is crying.

·        Scrolling on social media and seeing others travel while you care for the baby.

·        Baby drops food from high chair and it splats on the floor – again.

·        You didn’t get to exercise today because baby is fussy and teething.

·        Partner goes to work and you stay home with baby.

What did you notice? Did you immediately experience feelings of blame, frustration, or feeling trapped? If yes, let me challenge you to practice radical acceptance. This is a challenging chapter; and this will pass soon enough.

Reach out for support

Need more support than radical acceptance can give. I get it. Reach out to schedule a free consultation. Parenting is tough stuff, you don't have to be alone.