How a Baby Changes the Family System

The addition of a new child has a tremendous impact on the family system. Each individual in the system has a new relationship, a new role, and new responsibilities. And as each person adjusts to all this newness, their relationships with one another shift. It is inevitable. But it does not have to be bad.

We cannot predict what that change will look and feel like, but we can look at trends and make good, educated guesses. And we can have strategies in place for recognizing change and being mindful and responsible with how we show up for one another.

Shift or strain on resources

The biggest shift we can expect is a strain on resources. For example, the whole family system is likely to get less sleep, less rest, less nutritious food, less self care, etc.  And all this for the foreseeable future. And we all experience a strain on resources differently; some may dig deep and hold their frustration close, others may have a short fuse and feel explosive, and others lean into help and coping skills to fill the gaps.

In the past, how has a strain on your personal resources impacted how you were able to show up for yourself and others?

Shift in priorities

The things that used to matter, just don’t anymore. And things you never thought you would care about take up a lot of your brain space. If you are co-parenting, do you and your partner have the same priorities? Do your differences strengthen your partnership or a make it a more contentious one? What communication strategies and skills do you have to overcome changes in priorities?

Shift in roles

A new baby means new titles, jobs, and expectations. An only child becomes a big sibling. A husband becomes a dad. And baby needs tending, all the time. Was there a conversation about who would take on what roles or did they just … happen? Who is responsible for what tasks? And how do they feel about these tasks?

Noticing Change Within Ourselves

The perinatal chapter of any person’s life is an incredibly vulnerable chapter. Everything is new and exhausting. This is a time where biology and exhaustion and healing and awareness and awe and frustration and anxiety all collide. New norms are set up around this growing family system. I invite you to notice change within yourself with curiosity and compassion.

What are your new family system norms? How has your body changed? Your ability to meet your needs? Your mood and mental health symptoms? How do we relate to others and ourselves?

What next?

Create a practice where you tap into yourself and develop a mindfulness around how you feel and how you’re growing and changing. This could be a support group, an informal group of friends, journaling, or seeing a therapist. And with everything you notice, ask yourself, what feels good, what feels right, and what needs to be tweaked?

As you grow and change, your family system adjusts. And with all the change happening simultaneously, that is a lot of change and adjustment. Give yourself and your loved ones patience and grace.