Talking about Traumatic Births

For those that have experienced a traumatic birth, it can be hard to open up and share. It is important to find a way to share your story – for your own healing and because your story matters.

The importance of storytelling

We tell stories about what happened to us to help us make sense of our experiences and our life. The stories we tell shape and reinforce how we see, interpret and interact with the world.

Birth is a life altering and universal event. To some, it is considered a rite of passage. And we want to share this life altering experience with others. It is human nature to connect through shared experiences, listening and storytelling. But when the birth did not go as planned, or was scary or traumatic, this connection through storytelling doesn’t always feel available.

Why it’s hard to talk about traumatic births

Everyone has their own reasons why it can be hard to talk about traumatic events. Below is a list of themes I see in sessions or support groups with individuals who experienced traumatic births:

·       It brings up overwhelming or scary feelings.

·       It intensifies the flashbacks or nightmares.

·       It brings up feelings of guilt or shame.

·       When it is talked about, others invalidate the experience. “Just feel grateful, you and your baby are alive!”

·       The trauma wasn’t “bad enough” to talk about.

·       Feeling isolated and like your experience was unique to you.

·       Fear that others will not understand.

·       Not wanting to reflect on mortality.

·       We’re still experiencing medical or health complications from the birth.

·       Worry that the birthing person “chose wrong” or “did something wrong.”

·       Not wanting to scare other birthing individuals.

Find a way to get it out

Not processing a traumatic experience or bottling it up will only intensify what is going on. Avoiding only makes things worse. And sometimes bottled-up thoughts and feelings will come out in unexpected ways. For example, we may not be sleeping as well, or we may feel disconnected from our loved ones or baby, maybe we experience flashbacks or intrusive thoughts, or we can feel depressed, anxious, or shame, or we may turn to negative coping skills like substance use.

Until we can find a way to get it out, we’re unable to make sense of what happened and move forward. Talking is not the only way to process trauma; journaling, drawing, painting, dancing, expressive arts, or somatic therapies can all be powerful avenues to get express yourself.

Find your people

Find people that are receptive or have a similar lived experience. Listen to Mom and Mind Podcast, find a local postpartum support group, join one of PSI’s Free and Virtual Support Groups, (they even have specific birth trauma support groups), attend a trauma informed postpartum yoga class, or find a therapist. PSI has a directory of Perinatal Mental Health trained therapists.

If someone is dismissive, cannot hold space for your experience, or invalidates what you’re trying to share, kindly move on. That person will not be a supportive and healing person for this specific need.

When to seek clinical support

Each person’s threshold for seeking therapeutic support is different. If you find you’re experiencing intrusive trauma symptoms that are impacting your quality of life, it may be time find a therapist. Healing from birth trauma is treatable.

Ready to begin? Reach out and schedule a free consultation.