Who Has Time for Self-Care?!

Some days are an endless cycle of cleaning up messes, soothing children, and making sure everyone else’s needs are met. We change diapers, make meals, feed kids, sweep food off of floors, sing songs, kiss booboos, stack blocks, pretend to be dinosaurs, soothe hurt feelings, put kids down for nap, clean up toys, pull kids off of things they should not be climbing, step on the toys we missed cleaning up, chase, hide and seek, manage tantrums and beg for patience. Some days are like that, filled with activity but not actually going anywhere or feeling accomplished.

At the end of these days, I tuck the kids into bed and ask myself, “What did I even do today?” On days like this, I end up crabby and exhausted. I am not very good at taking time to myself. I’m too focused on what others need.

When this is our day in and day out, our needs get more and more neglected. Cue the resentment, the overwhelm, the depression. So, what can we do about it?

Identify your Priorities

In your day to day, what is most important to you? If you feel self-care is important, look for ways to make time or find time to do something kind for yourself.

And if self-care is not important, I want to challenge you to ask yourself “Why not?” and “How would your life improve if you took care of yourself?”

Make Time by Asking for Help

Did you cringe when you saw the words, Asking for Help? A lot of moms do, we think we have to do it all by ourselves. But help can vary – it can be a baby sitter, it can be a friend watching the baby while you shower, it can be someone making a nourishing meal for you, or a play date, or talking to a therapist, or waiting for your partner to be available to tag in.

And if you cringed, ask yourself, “What’s that about?”

Find Time Moment by Moment

Throughout our day to day, there may be pockets of time (1-10 minutes) where we are not always on the go. When a bottle is warming, when baby is interested in a toy or a sibling, the first moments of a nap, when baby is safe in the play pen, when driving and baby is safe in the car seat. These are moments to capitalize on.

Identify your Need

Ask yourself, “How much time do I have?” And “What need needs to get met?” You may need to move your body, calm your heart rate, connect with another, laugh, challenge a negative thought, take a shower, journal, eat a snack, drink water, etc. Knowing what you need shapes the choices you make when you make or find time.

Have a Plan

Have a plan for what you can do if you have 1 minute, 5 minutes, or 10 minutes that meet the need you’ve identified. You can stretch, play a soothing or rejuvenating song, practice bilateral stimulations, say a mantra, read a daily mindfulness excerpt, laugh at a joke, text a friend, eat something nourishing, hydrate… When you have these pockets of time, having a plan allows you to be intentional when presented an opportunity.

Know what to avoid

If scrolling makes you more anxious, don’t scroll.

If the news makes you angry, don’t read the news.

If caffeine gives you a stomach ache, don’t drink caffeine.

Know yourself and your habits and make choices that align with your goal of self care.

Barriers to Making the Most of Your Self-Care Time

• Anxiety - perhaps you're too anxious to leave baby in a safe place (like a crib or play pen) or with safe people. Or you have scary thoughts about taking a moment away to step into the other room.

• Depression - a lack of energy or motivation, or feelings of unworthiness or shame can keep you from taking care of yourself too.

• Intrusive thoughts - slowing down and self care could leave space for intrusive thoughts to creep in.

  
  

If you identify with any of these barriers, I may be time to reach out help.