Role Strain in Motherhood

If you feel like your responsibilities to others and yourself are overwhelming, like you answer to too many people, and you’re getting pressure to do it all and do it perfectly. You may be experiencing role strain.

What are your roles?

Our identities are often defined as the roles we inhabit in life. For example: I’m a mother, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a therapist, an entrepreneur, a friend, a gardener, etc. And each of these roles come with responsibilities and expectations.

What is role strain?

Role strain is the tension experienced when a scarcity of resources (eg, time, skills, finances, and/or energy) impedes an individual's ability to meet role expectations and responsibilities.

Role strain in motherhood happens when we’re doing too much for too many people. We are likely to feel overwhelmed, anxious, stretched too thin, or burnt out. And if your patterns are to be a pleaser and overachiever, you’re probably not doing the roles you have up to your standards. This can lead to guilt or shame.

What to do about it:

Below is a quick exercise you can complete to start working through the role strain you experience:

First complete a quick assessment

What are your roles in life and what are the expectations and responsibilities with each role? Which roles are your priorities and why? What can put on the back burner or drop for the time being?

Budget your energy according to your assessment

You only have so much to give, be wise about where your attention and energy goes. You can get more energy through self-care and proper rest.

Follow through on your budget and give yourself grace

Following through on your budget could look like setting boundaries, dropping roles for the time being, postponing or canceling plans, taking breaks, or working to be "good enough" instead of perfect.

Nobody expects you to be perfect 100% of the time. You’ve got to do your best every day, and recognize that sometimes your best doesn’t look up to your usual standards.